Humor

Why do orphans like belts?

They remind them of their father.

A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?

A Butt-asaurus.

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

What did the duck eat for lunch?

Soup and quackers.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Pizza.

Pizza who?

Never mind, it was so cheesy.

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.