Humor
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
Memes
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Why can’t October fool April?
Because only April fools.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
What did the duck eat for lunch?
Soup and quackers.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.