Humor
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?
"I don't get it."
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
Jokes about the poor aren't rich.
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.