Humor
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
I would tell a Koby joke...
But it would just crash and burn.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
Memes
Teacher: What’s the closest planet?
Kids yell: Sun.
Except for one.
Other kid: Uranus.
Teacher: Uranus?
Other kid: Yeah, it’s right there.
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
I am a fat girl.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
Jokes about the poor aren't rich.
What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.