Humor

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.

What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!

Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!

Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?

I am a fat girl.

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Pizza.

Pizza who?

Never mind, it was so cheesy.

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.