Humor

What happens when Steven Hawking dies?

Take his iPad to Cash Converters.

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

Why is there no phone in China?

Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.

Funny jokes are like kids with autism.

They have special needs to make them.

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?

A tongue workout!

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?

Little Seizures.

Why did the two balls cross the road?

To get to the penis!

Sorry, too rude?

Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?

Answer: cancer.

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?

"It's dye-ing."

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

What’s long, white, and full of cream? A cheese stick.

What's brown and in a baby's diaper?

Michael Jackson's hand.