What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
Humor
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Why did the two balls cross the road?
To get to the penis!
Sorry, too rude?
Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What’s long, white, and full of cream? A cheese stick.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
Jokes about the poor aren't rich.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bikini.
Bikini who?
Oh, that was just a bikini.
What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?
A Butt-asaurus.
What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
