Humor

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?

Rolls Royce.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.

Cashier: Is this your final purchase?

Customer: Actually, yes it is!

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

The Earth was flat once. 'Til yo mama got buried.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!

Yo mama so big, her belt size said "equator."

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?

A black woman dressed for church.

Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?

Because they are really committed to their cause.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.