Humor
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?
Son: No.
Dad: It hasn't come out yet.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?
It has better reflexes than the twin towers.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.