Humor

Humor

Drunk

    • A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.

    Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

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    • Restaurant

    • A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

    The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

    So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

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    • Humor memes

    Race

    • Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

    Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

    God says, "You are what you are."

    Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

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    • Slang

    • Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

    White person: Dad, you're home!

    Black person: Dad?

    White person: You can keep the change.

    Black person: Empty the register.

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    • Election

    • Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

    Because orange is the new black.

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