Humor
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
My jokes are cancer.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?
The wheels on the chair go round and round.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes? They never get old.
Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.
Mineta: ...go on...
Denki: Ochako's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it?
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: *cries T_T*
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was... not so smart.
One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home."
The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home."
Finally, it's now the not so smart Indian's turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!"
The not so smart Indian replies,
"Well I... I followed the train tracks, an... and shot th- the train... bu- but it kept going..."
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.