Humor
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
These aren't funny.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.