Humor
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
My puns are awesome, pure gold.
What are intelligent people in the US called?
"Tourist."
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
What's the difference between Autism and Gender?
Autism is on a spectrum.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.
Yo yo yo, I’m a dinosaur, rawr! And my Snapchat is s4r1m-007 for more amazing jokes.
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!