Humor
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!