Orphan

What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

Orphan

I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.

Nuke

What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?

The final countdown.

Dad

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

Difference

What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?

One is Super. The other is just soup.

Memes

Life

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

Mosquito

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Cannibal

What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?

"Who are you wearing?"

Emo

Why was the emo person dead inside?

Because I stole their insides.

Oreo

Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?

'Cause they're dark.

Wife

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"