Humor
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.
So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
Twin Tower jokes are funny because they are dead.
Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.