Humor

My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.

What happened when the American broke his arm?

He went broke.

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

Cunt.

What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?

A baked potato.

Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?

Kids: Me!

Man: *unzips fly*

All these jokes make me laugh to death 💀.

Quin loves Robin. All he says is "Robin." This isn't a joke; Quin's gay.

You might think these jokes are plane.

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

The boy said, "No, I don't know."

She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

She said to him, "No, who is she?"

He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

A girl asked, "Can I have some nuts too?"

Boy: "Sure, what ones ;)"

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

What do oranges sweat?

Orange juice. 😂🍊❤️

What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?

A private tutor/tooter.

Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?

Friends: No, what is it?

Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...