Humor

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...

Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?

Friends: No, what is it?

Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

I want coffee like my men.

Dark.

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

What do you call two redheads on Mars?

Locals.

Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."

Me: So you two girls are from England?

Girls: Wales.

Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.

Me: John, what did he do earlier?

John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.

Me: I thought I smelled poop.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Animal jokes, eh?

Toucan play at that game.

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he forgot to plug in the charger.

Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂