Humor
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
There is one rapist among us.
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies? Fetus Deletus!
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?
Let the mango.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.
What do you call the midget sea?
A pond.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.