Humor
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? He didn't have any BODY to go with.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?
JENGA!!!!
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"