Humor

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

What were the emo kid's pronouns?

Was/were.

Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?

Because the joke needs parental guidance.

Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?

A: Because he is a "herbefore."

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?

The doctor taking off his watch.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

In America, you fight Ukraine.

In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.

All zodiac signs have a signature hairstyle except for cancer. :)

Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."