Humor
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Butt hehe.
Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.
Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of car on fire? Hot wheels.
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What should I sell my dragon for?
Dragon these balls across yo face!
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.