Humor
Roses are red, I have no money, I want to be dominated by a goth mommy.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
You might think these jokes are plane.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
What do you call a PEIS?
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What does a glass of water ask a pond?
"Water you doing?"
What does the pond answer?
"Pondering life."
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
What do you call a bad pun? The pun is not punny!
Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.
/setblock minecraft_morbid_joke
/playsound pained_laugh
Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."