Humor
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like your's belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you.
What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.
People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."
I know it's really, really, really, really bad.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
Why did the shark spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny!
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.