Humor
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Would you like a piece of Africa?
Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.