Humor
What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Memes
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
Why is Mars red? Because it saw Uranus! 😂
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A meowtain.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.