Humor
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
What do you call a black person with a pride flag? A Cosmic Brownie.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!