Humor
Why are Deepika Amar's jokes so shit? Because he is a smelly cunt.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
Biggest joke?
[Image of Zac Efron]
What did buttholes say after taking a dump?
Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth? A "glad-he-ate-her".
What’s the difference between a parentless child and someone who is fond of unprocessed metals?
One is an orphan, and the other is an ore fan.
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
This isn't a joke.