Humor
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
Memes
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
A cardboard belt is a waste of paper.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.