Humor
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
I'm a rapist.
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.