Donation Jokes

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."

Kid: "Why are you doing that?"

Dad: "So you won't get bored there."

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."

What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?

campaign contribution to the Republican Party.

If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!

What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉

There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

Priest, "How so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

Then Matt walks out the door.

Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

What do chairs spend on the most?

Chair-ity.

What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?