Armless jokes
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms!
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.
🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
Little Johnny has no arms. Knock, knock, who's there?
Not Johnny.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.