Humor
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Memes
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!