Humor

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?

Time to get a new watch.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?

Because every little helps!

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?

A-Mean-O-Acid.