Humor
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
I just planted emo grass.
Ignore it and it cuts itself.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
What's an EMO's favorite game?...... DARK SOULS
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show?
Family Guy.
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.