Humor

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

Why are Black people getting stronger?

Because the TVs are getting bigger.

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.

Midget: Hey! What’s up?

Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.