Humor
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
Memes
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!