Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
Humor
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
