Humor
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.
Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.
Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.
Random person: What stuff? 🤨
Me: What?
The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!
Me: Colourful flamingo fart.
Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!
#HOMIEZ4Life
P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
(Non-edgy joke.)
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
Q: What do you call a gang of emos?
A: Suicide Squad.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!