Humor

What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?

Condoms.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...

Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!

Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.

Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.

What do you call lesbian sex during their period?

A blood transfusion.

I love all races, even the bad ones.

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

What is the highest number?

420.