Humor
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
Why do skeletons hate wind? Because it goes right through them!
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
What did the titanic say as it was sinking?
I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
What is the highest number?
420.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.