Humor

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

What joke could orphan's never understand?

Your Mom jokes.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

What do you call a cow eating grass?

A Lawn Moo-er.

What is the highest number?

420.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."

What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?

A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!

Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?

Because there is no ramp to heaven.

What kind of fish comes out at night?

A starfish.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!

How do you make a pink Smurf?

You peel the skin off.

Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).