Humor
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
Memes
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What is the highest number?
420.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.