Humor
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
What is the highest number?
420.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.