Humor

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!

Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.

Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I love all races, even the bad ones.

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.

Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...

Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."