Humor
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
Your mama is so ugly even the trolls threw up.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Yo mama so ugly, she went to a fat concert and they said no experts allowed! 😂
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.