Humor

When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."

Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?

She kept making dad jokes.

If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?

Pot wheels.

What do you call a cow eating grass?

A Lawn Moo-er.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?

A: He wanted to see a butterfly.

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

Shut the hell up with all these Stephen Hawking jokes, hahah. I wanna kms.

Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.

How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!

I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

What is Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!