Humor

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"

When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."

Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?

She kept making dad jokes.

If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?

Pot wheels.

What do you call a cow eating grass?

A Lawn Moo-er.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?

A: He wanted to see a butterfly.

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

Shut the hell up with all these Stephen Hawking jokes, hahah. I wanna kms.