Construction jokes
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Can I get a building license?
It's the end of the world!
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)
Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.
My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^
Pontypool is rough.
I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how many you throw.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
What the hell dam, hell dam?
I don't like stairs. They're always up to something.
What do you call a door hinge? A door hinge!
Yo hairline so ugly even Bob the Builder said he couldn't fix it.
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
Why are planes the fastest readers? Because they went through 100 stories in 20 seconds.
I have a joke about construction. I'm still working on it.
I said to the fish, "I have dam."