Construction

Construction Jokes

Family

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"

Lesbian

How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?

None, it's all tongue and groove...

Baby

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.

  • 4
  • Shovel

    What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?

    It is ground breaking!

  • 4
  • Sign

    I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

    Sandwich

    Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

  • 6
  • Dad

    I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

    But when I got home, all the signs were there.

    Dad

    My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

    Child

    Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

    A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

    Carpenter

    The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

  • 0
  • Wall

    So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?

    ... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.

    People

    Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

    Because they go down so well.