Humor

Why are Deepika Amar's jokes so shit?

Because he is a smelly cunt.

I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.

Paper.

Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"

Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Answer: Tequila

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"

When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."

Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?

She kept making dad jokes.

If you thought other people’s puns are bad, well, you should sea mine.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?

Pot wheels.

What do you call a cow eating grass?

A Lawn Moo-er.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"