Humor
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
/setblock minecraft_morbid_joke
/playsound pained_laugh
I told you ten puns to make you laugh, and I do not pun in-ten-did.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
What do you call a PEIS?
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.