Human jokes
I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Why do humans hate aliens?
Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"