Human jokes
Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
What is a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Brownies.
Why did the human eat cereal in the bathroom?
So he could querk.
What is the difference between a human and a burger?
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
What’s under the bottom?
Your legs.
Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.