Human jokes
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
What's the Fastest 20000 Meter Dash a Human Can Run?
he is bilt bif
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
How did the orphan survive birth?
U
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
What is the difference between a human and a bird?
A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.
I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working in an orphanage!
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?
We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.