Human jokes

Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.

What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?

My best friend.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?

Because they both have eyes.

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).

Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?

Me: I'm just BONELY.

Sans: Good one kiddo.

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.

Is that a person over there?

Na, it's Jesus.

Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.

What do you call a tall person?

A tall person.

Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.