Human jokes
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.
What has four legs and one arm? A Doderman in a playground.
Orphans are human, too! They just don't know who their parents are or where! I know four sisters named Mariah, Kariah, Lariah, and Iariah and they said they are orphans, too! And they are sad and they don't like your jokes!
Everyone is autistic midgets.
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
I'm a human.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
How did the orphan survive birth?
U
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
I'm like dynamite, you'll never know when I explode.
Do you wanna know the best thing about 28 year olds?
There are 20 8 year olds.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.