Human jokes

There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.

Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.

What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?

My best friend.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?

Because his snake bit it off!

How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?

Because they both have eyes.

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?

Me: I'm just BONELY.

Sans: Good one kiddo.

What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.

I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.

Is that a person over there?

Na, it's Jesus.