Household jokes
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
I like my women how I like my fridge. In the kitchen.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Ashley Home Store.
What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
Why can’t an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because it was family size.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
What's big and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.