Household jokes

If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?

My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.