A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
What company do orphans hate the most?
S. C. Johnson, a family company.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?
Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
There’s 4 billion women on earth Why isn’t it clean yet?
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause its still dark in my basement.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
