Household

Household jokes

Orphan

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Their dad did not come back with the milk.

Parent

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

Dish

Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?

Incest

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

Door

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

Orphan

What company do orphans hate the most?

S. C. Johnson, a family company.

Dragon

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Wife

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

Orphan

Why can't orphans have a big bag of chips?

Because they're family sized!

Difference

A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?

B: I don't know.

A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...

B: ...

Flip-flop

Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.

Me: Ok.

*Ring*

Me: Opens the door.

Oh sh*t!

Mom: Gets flip flop.

Map

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Kid

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"