Furniture jokes

Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."

How do you fit 4 gay guys on 1 barstool?

Turn it upside down and shove a leg up each of their asses.

I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.

Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.

Your momma so fat, when she asked for a water bed, she got a concrete bed.

How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?

Flip it upside down.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"

I said, "Yes, I know I am."

Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.

I want a bigger couch.

Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.

Why do tables never need wheelchairs? Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?

The cowch (couch).

Why do orphans prefer IKEA to the Home Depot?

Because the Home Depot provides supplies for *a* home. IKEA just provides furniture.

What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?

Chair-y.

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.

How did the blind boy's parents punish him?

Rearrange the furniture.

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.