Maintenance jokes
Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Uranus is blue from lack of service.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:
"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."
Anyone know what bird that is?
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.