Household

Household jokes

Baby

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!

Wife

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

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  • Orphan

    Being an orphan isn’t all bad.

    On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.

    Laundry

    I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

    Orphan

    There is an upside to being an orphan.

    Every bag of chips is family size.

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.

    Difference

    What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.

    Suicide

    Said the man angered to his wife:

    "Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

    Wife

    What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?

    They both have to stay in the kitchen.

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.

    Mouse

    When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.