Household Jokes

You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.

What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?

You brighten my day.

I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

The image shows a Hot Pockets package. The text on the package is modified to say "Dryer Lint" with "Extra Dusty" below. The filling of the Hot Pocket is a grayish color and there is a white dot and a blue dot in the filling. In the bottom left there is an image of a washing machine.

How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

What is the best part of being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family sized.

Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?

They were all family sized!

Why do orphans not play bingo?

Because they don’t know what a full house is.

Why did the computer catch cold?

It left a window open.

A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

Your family.

How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"

What did one pillow say to the other?

Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.

My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.