Household jokes

You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.

What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?

You brighten my day.

Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.

I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Why did the computer catch cold?

It left a window open.

What is the best part of being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family sized.

Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?

They were all family sized!

Why do orphans not play bingo?

Because they don’t know what a full house is.

A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

Your family.

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"

How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?

What did one pillow say to the other?

Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.

My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."