Household jokes
What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?
I actually come back with the milk.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.
lol so so so true
I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
What is the best part of being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family sized.
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized!
Why do orphans not play bingo?
Because they don’t know what a full house is.
A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.
A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."
Your family.
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.
So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.
My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.