Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to nove
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? A: You slap her
What sucks but doesn't suck?
Vacuums!
my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked "where are your sisters?" i said "in line to get crushed"
What do you do when your dish washer stops working
Hit your wife harder
my mum said take out the trash so I took my sister
I believe in a woman's right to choose... ... whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!Lol
I respect woman’s choices....either she wants to cook first, then clean or is she wants to clean first the cook
