Household jokes
Why can’t orphans eat big bags of chips?
Cause they're family size. ✌🏻😂🤣😅🥲
Why don't I poop Windex? Because I Pledge to do my doodie!
Put some Windex on it.
My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.
I said, "Maybe."
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized!
How does a rapper clean their house?
With a BEAT BRUSH!
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.
I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
What is an orphan's least favorite show?
"Fuller House."
Why do orphans not play bingo?
Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?
Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.
Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.
Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!
Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*
Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.
Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.
What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?
I actually come back with the milk.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
Why can't orphans eat chips?
'Cause they're family sized!
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
Is your oven running?
Then you better go catch it!
"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.
"What is it?" said George Sink.
"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.
Why can't orphans have a large bag of chips? Because they're family sized.