Household jokes
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
As an orphan, every bag of chips is family size.
What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.
My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.
Why can’t an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because it was family size.
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?
I actually come back with the milk.
Why can't orphans have a large bag of chips? Because they're family sized.
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
Is your oven running?
Then you better go catch it!
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?
Not 15, as my basement's still dark.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.