History jokes
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.
One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?” Why can’t he just speak plain English?
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
I hate when people make 9/11 jokes, I'm just blown away.
What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.
WOW! I CAN SEE THE TWIN TOWERS FROM HERE.
The Nazis.
What’s the difference between a Jew and an American? The American makes it out of camp.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and The Statue Of Liberty? The Statue of Liberty stands for something! 😂
Yo mama's so fat that the earth used to be flat before they buried her.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
A Roman guy walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Can I have 5 beers please?"
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.
But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.
So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!