History jokes

What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Adolf Hitler

What happened when Obama ran for president?

The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.

Why do white people carry Confederate flags?

To remind us that they are losers.

Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?

Answer: Beethoven's last movement.

Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?

There were an awful lot of red flags!

How do you think Julius Caesar killed his enemies?..

With a pair of Caesars! 😂😂👌

Why do Japanese people hate iPhones? Because they're scared that American airdrops will fall on them.

My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.

My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.

They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.

Why did Hellen hate when her dad yelled at her?

Oh wait, she didn’t know! 🤣🤣

The Titanic basically nominated all the passengers for the ice bucket challenge.

What does the Titanic sell most?

Icebreakers.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.

What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?

The no-bell prize.

I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.

Balalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!