History jokes
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.
Why do Japanese people hate iPhones? Because they're scared that American airdrops will fall on them.
They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.
The Titanic basically nominated all the passengers for the ice bucket challenge.
Memes
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
Balalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
America Twin Tower: "Hey, have you seen the Malaysian Twin Tower? I have, but only from 1971 to 2001."
Malaysian Twin Tower: "I STOOD LONGER!"