What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Why did Hellen hate when her dad yelled at her?
Oh wait, she didn’t know! 🤣🤣
What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?
It sinks it.
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?
There were an awful lot of red flags!
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
Balalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!
