History jokes
If 6 is scared of 7 because 7 8 9, why is ten scared? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.
All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
What do you get when a dinosaur farts?
A blast from the past!
Memes
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
โRIPโ Cai Lun.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
Whatโs the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?
One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
Q: Name a murderer?
A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
Have you ever had Ethiopian food??
Neither have they.
What did Caesarโs cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats donโt talk.
9/11.
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
Adolf Hitler
Why did Hitler kill himself? He knew the war was over at the beginning.