Her jokes

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

58008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.

The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

Your mama is so old, her first Christmas, she was a Wiseman's +1.

Your mama is so fat, the wall couldn't support her picture.

Aitana is so fat that Thanos had to clap for her to disappear.

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

How you know it’s her time in MJ's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!