Her jokes
What is Wonder Woman's weakness?
Accountability for her actions.
Today a canvasser came to my door asking if I wanted to make a donation to protect women in the Congo.
I told her no.
The canvasser got a little upset with me and said, "Don't you know that the Congo is the rape capital of the world?"
"Then they should be used to it by now," I replied.
Yo mama so fat, when she is on her period, she floods the entire town with her blood.
My sister was getting something from the basement, and seeing rats, she said: "Rats are so disgusting and ugly."
I turned to her, "Sis, self-hate is not okay."
Katie said that her jokes were fire. They were.
What did Katie say when her house burnt down?
"HOLY SMOKES!"
You know, my mom told me to become an astronaut.
I told her I don't want to become the next firework.
Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
What is the best way to pick up a woman from the bar?
Spike her drink with roofies.
I met a lewd nude in Bermuda
Who thought she was shrewd: I was shrewder;
She thought it quite crude
To be wooed in the nude;
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.
Michael J. Fox's wife doesn't need a vibrator; she has her husband.
Your mama's so crazy, she cooks her chicken drumsticks in raspberries and milk.
What is the best way to pick a woman at a bar?
Spike her drink with roofies
How do you make sure a rape victim doesn’t testify against you?
Kill her first.
What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words to her husband?
"You feed the dog, I’ll feed the fish."
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
Yo momma so ugly, they celebrate her face every Halloween.
Yo momma so ugly, your grandma wanted to name her Abomination, but the registries agent changed it.
Yo mama so short, Super Mario mistook her for a Goomba and jumped on her head.