Her jokes

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"

Yo momma so fat not even Dora could explore her.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in 'em!

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.

It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.

"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

Yo mama is so dumb, her reflection said, "Who are you?"