Her jokes

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

Yo mama is so fat that her wheelchair had to be made into a couch!

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

How did Helen Keller dance? Very Bad.

How did Helen Keller draw? With her hand.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

Yo mama so ugly that when the Kool-Aid Man busted through her wall, he said, “Oh no!”

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

"Yo mama so fat when she got buried it took them all the trees on Earth for her coffin."

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,

Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.

Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.