Her jokes

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

Why were her hands purple?

She heard it through the grapevine.

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

Yo mama so ugly, her mirror broke.

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

Yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.