Her jokes

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to smell her own nose.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

Yo mama is so fat that Naruto couldn't make enough shadow clones to surround her.

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

Your mama so fat, it took all the trees to build her a coffin.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

Question: What do you say to give a woman from West Virginia a "Nice Compliment"?

Answer: You say to her: "NICE TOOTH!"

Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!

Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.