Her jokes

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to an ugly contest, they told her, "No pros allowed."

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

Yo mama is so ugly that her portraits hang themselves.

Yo mama so fat, when they buried her, they named her Everest. Mount Everest.

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

Yo mama so ugly that when Hello Kitty saw her, she said, "Goodbye!"

Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.