Help jokes

I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.

When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?

Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

Russia: "Silence."

Ukraine: Help...

This is rifle. ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一 He needs help being spread across this website. Copy this message and paste it on any joke upon this website. Spread and save rifle.

Orphan: Help, I'm lost.

Someone: Wears your parents.

Orphan: >:(

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!

People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.