Help jokes
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
This is rifle. ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一 He needs help being spread across this website. Copy this message and paste it on any joke upon this website. Spread and save rifle.
Orphan: Help, I'm lost.
Someone: Wears your parents.
Orphan: >:(
Gwen!!!!!! I need your help!!!!!!!!!!
Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!
People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...
I think they are New York Jets fans and the Jets QB helped them... That's why one of them was off target.
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
5 knock knock jokes from best to corny.
1. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help getting in the door.
2. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Scold. Scold who? Scold outside, let me in!
3. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mikey. Mikey who? Mikey isn't working, can you let me in?
4. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Says. Says who? Says me, that's who!
5. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
I made a website that helps orphans. Sadly, it doesn't have a homepage.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.
And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.
It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.