Help jokes

Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

Russia: "Silence."

Ukraine: Help...

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

HELP! HELP!

TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

This is rifle. ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一 He needs help being spread across this website. Copy this message and paste it on any joke upon this website. Spread and save rifle.

Orphan: Help, I'm lost.

Someone: Wears your parents.

Orphan: >:(

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

Gwen!!!!!! I need your help!!!!!!!!!!

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.

If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).

When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?

Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.

Doc: Can I help you?

Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.

Doc: When did it begin?

Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).

Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...

Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.

Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?

Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.

Help me...

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.