I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extreme handicapped. I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables"
LBB- why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys Mummy
His mom- Maybe because your the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus- should’ve been better Little Bear
LLB -help Mummy he’s the Scratchy monster
Shrek- just kidding it’s not Krampus but indeeds Me and Black Donkey instead, and were going to poop on your floor
Duggie- hopefully Marvins doesn’t see us and by the way want some purplish koolaid
What did the horse say after it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
a UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a faliure because
South Americans don’t know the word “please”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion”
Balkans don’t know the word “give”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts”
Africans don’t know the word “food”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage”
and Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer"
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco? Because every little bit helps
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patient to sleep, so I unplug them.
Holà soy Dora!
Can you help me find the 2 fuck I'm supposed to give?!
Help I got my brother pregnant
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
What did the booty say when it was asked to help?
I've got your BACKSIDE covered
My father told me to always carry a womens bag but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped moms bag when we went parachuting. :(
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore. And if I tried it would probably crash and burn. It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Daveon! stop screaming in help because I broke your kneecaps!
I met a fat chick at the beach. People started asking me what I use for bait. Or do you want us to help throw the Whale back in the water?
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory, one day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station,I told her so you can weigh yourself on the truck scale.
A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who I'm?
