Hearing jokes
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.
Wanna hear a joke?
Your face.
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."