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Hearing

Hearing jokes

Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?

He killed his mom and then fucked her.

Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡

Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐

Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬

Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱

Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*

Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤

Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨

Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠

Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤

Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮

Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫

Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕

Church

Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.

Lesbian

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

Michael Jackson

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Disabled

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

Woman

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Work

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

Emo

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.