Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Did you hear the score in the Egypt vs Ethiopia football game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
What did the baritone say to the alto?
Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
You want to hear a joke about pizza?
Sorry! Can't tell ya, it's too cheesy!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.